Mexican Manners
Updated November, 2023
For tips on manners in Mexico without the personal anecdote, go to bottom of page.
Courtesy, chambermaids and all things princessa in Mexico
One of the wonderful things about moving to Mexico was the chance it gave me to reinstate my status as royalty. Whenever I am feeling haggard, I simply go grocery shopping.
The feeling starts as soon as I leave the condo, which is on the 11th and 12th floor of a hotel. At times I use a cab rather than Uber. When I do, The front desk of my building rings up the guard at the security gate that “La Senora” (which sounds a lot like “her highness” to me) requests a cab. As I walk across the parking lot toward the street, the guard whistles one down as I stand demurely (for the first time in my life) 15 feet behind him. The guard gallantly reaches to open the cab’s door for me and off I go.
Exiting the Mega Supermercado with my groceries to the cab stand, the anointed cab driver at the front of line, as well as several drivers from other cabs, made haste to make sure La Senora gets all her bags in the trunk. No matter what kind of day I’m having, this display of chivalry always fixes it.
One day I cabbed to an upscale department store. To my surprise, the store had hired a five-piece mariachi band in full regalia to celebrate the next day’s national holiday. Clearly, they cared nothing about inspiring shopping, as the trumpet and guitarra de golpe made it very hard to decide between Clarins extra firming night cream and the Lancome lifting radiance bisque amidst all the partying.
Bottled beer and horchata were flowing freely throughout the store, no I.D required. Platters of hors d’oeuvres of fresh seafood and elegant sweets were being served by uniformed waiters to an appreciative throng. How many times have you arrived to a free event 30-minutes after it’s posted start time only to find the buffet table scraped clean of everything but the broccoli sticks? When I left at the stores closing at 9:00 p.m., they were still serving beer and hors d’oeuvres. I walked out with a full cup in my hand, unhindered by any retail ABC border patrol.
It was rather late, too late to make dinner. Beer in hand, I asked the next cab driver if he’d mind stopping by a taqueria and let me pick up a meal to go. When we passed the one I knew and it was closed, without my asking and with no explanation, he immediately made a u-turn and took me to another one he knew of a few blocks away (Three years ago, with a lot less Spanish, that move would have alarmed me).
He waited cheerfully in the cab while I received my lovingly-wrapped order of tacos al carbon and cheese quesadilla. Calling out “Buen Provecho!” as he dropped me off at my door with flourish.
Chivalry is far from dead in Mexico and it isn’t reserved for foreigners. You see it in how men take their wives by the hand when boarding a boat or bus, whom they often call, “Mi reina” (my queen). You see it in the way they automatically pop to the side closest to the street when they walk down a sidewalk with you. You see it in their written communication. Etiquette is more important to Mexicans. Good manners are practiced by both the educated and the day laborer. Bad manners garner much more disdain than having a humble profession.
Most stories you read about moving to Mexico are infuriatingly vague. They always tell you that you can have a better “quality of life,” whatever that means to you. For all the comforts of services you can’t afford to indulge in at home, the real measure of the better quality of life that you will experience in Mexico lie in the courtesy that you receive every day, in dozens of subtle ways. The courtesy I am shown every day is a constant reminder to be better, to be more Mexican.
Some tips on courtesy in Mexico
Using usted
If you learning Spanish, you should master the formal usted form for speaking with cab drivers, service providers, older people and strangers. It’s difficult, I know, to nail it, and Mexicans themselves aren’t consistent with you (you, a stranger entitled to usted as well) which confuses things. But as long as you’re going to the trouble of learning the language, you might as well optimize your results by making the best first impression possible.
To address someone informally is called “el tuteo.” so you ask, “puedo tutearlo” to ask permission to address someone informally (the tú form). For a very funny story on what a difference in meaning the formal and informal usage can make when used in context, read this short story (in easy Spanish).
Another habit to develop is saying Buenos días when entering a store (including retail and convenience stores) or restaurant, as Mexican courtesy dictates. For a beginner speaker, even including señor (sir) when you can will at least convey your intention of courtesy. Mexicans are more prone to say, “con permiso” taking their leave, including exiting an elevator. It’s nice, this gentle balm of daily acknowledgement of your presence.
Other tips:
When taking your leave of someone on the phone or in person, you never say just goodbye. You need to say goodbye in 3-4 times, with phrases such as “Cuidáte bien,” “Besos,” “Abrazo,” “Que te estés bien.” or “Benedicciones.” You can cut this down to two once you know them well.
Don’t eat in public, but if you must, offer to share your chips or cookies before beginning. Say “¿Gustan?’” No one will say yes, it’s just a courtesy. When I’ve done it in cabs with a bag of chips, the drivers almost faint in shock they’re so unused to the courtesy from foreigners.
When you meet people, greet each individually, women with a kiss (peck) to the cheek.
If people are working in your home for an extended period, you should offer them something to eat and water. A “taquito” does not necessarily mean a taco, it means a small bit of rice, stew, or other bit of food you can offer.
If people call on you, offer at the minimum a drink - un “cafecito,” “un vasito de agua,” and some small snack.
When passing street vendors, the polite thing to say is thanks or “a la vuelta’ (on the return trip), not “No thanks” which is considered very abrupt.
Never go to a gathering empty-handed.
The well-known Spanish phrase, “Mi casa es tu casa,” (my house is your house.” ) makes its way into other forms of courtesy. If you tell someone the city or neighborhood you live in, the right phrase to follow up with is “ahí tienes tu casa,” in a nonchalant way.
If leaving a casual restaurant, like a fonda where people are seated near you, say “buen provecho” to other diners you pass as you leave. If people are close enough to make eye contact as you leave a table, you should say it as passing.
Studies show that in the US, personal distance is between 36-48 inches. Among Hispanics, it’s more like 18 inches so don’t be alarmed if people seem to be crowding your space a bit.
I'd never heard the admonishment about tossing something, until I read this in Jess Weid's blog.
A lot of smiling, saying “por favor," "muchas gracias’ and “con permiso” or "me permite" and disculpa go a long way until you become consistent with the finer points.
Related links:
This is a great blog on Mexican hand gestures. I've always loved the gesture for money. You actually have to practice it a little, really bending your knuckles into the space of a deck of cards to indicate “cuesta mucho” or it costs a lot).
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About the author:
Kerry Baker is partner with Ventanas Mexico and author of four books.
Interested in a test drive? Take a look at renting in "If Only I Had a Place." The book tells you how to rent in this very different rental culture.
Her third book is “The Mexico Solution: Saving your money, sanity, and quality of life through part-time life in Mexico.” This book is both a how-to and pretty good read, unique in its genre. Most recently she published The Lazy Expat: Healthy Recipes That Translate in Mexico. In Mexico, you must cook to maintain a healthy diet. This cookbook will tell you how to shop, what’s available and 150 easy to prepare healthy dishes.