When You Just Want Out
In Mexico, there is an enormous moth, the Black Witch Moth. It can be the size of small plate. The condo I rent on the Pacific in Mexico is nothing but windows on two sides. One afternoon I found one of these moths beating desperately against one the huge windows on the inside. You've seen it with birds. You can feel their panic and confusion.
You try to capture it to take it to an already open window, leading to a wild chase around the room as you attempt to help the terrified creature out of what must be a horrific situation that they, for good reason, hold you suspect.
You see the scene played out all over Mexico, people hanging from ledges 15 feet off the ground as they try to open windows for the behemoths. Restaurant servers knocking over the furniture trying to catch and release them while the poor things hide inside lamps and behind blinds.
This time however, as I extended my hand to the moth, it walked onto my palm and remained quietly as I walked it all the way across the large room to the open window. I could feel it trembling in my hand, taking the risk, being braver than the rest of the moths, sensing that it did not have a choice but to do something different. If it was to have a chance at regaining its freedom, it needed to find an open window. - excerpt - The Mexico Solution: Saving your saving your money, sanity and quality of life through part-time life in Mexico.
Eight years later, I still can’t think of a better metaphor to describe my passage to life in Mexico. After a three year job search I felt trapped and panic-stricken. At the same time, it was boring. Unlike the moth, I knew I was covering the same ground over and over.
Mexico was that open window for me, just like it’s been for hundreds of thousands of other expats and permanent residents in Mexico. I found my freedom in 2014 when the the idea of Mexico opened to me.
Greek philosopher Epicurus pondered a great deal what we need to be happy. He concluded that one key step towards happiness is to be able to rid yourself of fear,
As simplistic as it sounds, I believe many of the relaxed expressions I see on expats around me in Mexico are of people who have excised a primal fear of keeping enough money to make it in life with their heads held high. In Mexico you can strip your life down to an attractive living space, good food and good company. What more do you really need?
Once here, the rest seems superfluous. Extras are fine, wealthy expats live here too, too but you can take or leave them easily in the cultural context of Mexico. Consumerism remains optional. So many things I do without in Mexico not because I can’t afford them but rather because I don’t notice they’re missing.
Not that a certain amount of discomfort isn’t healthy in our lives. As the philosopher points out, you appreciate a warm fire most when you’ve come in from the cold. A simple cold glass a water is at its most pleasurable when you’re really thirsty on a hot day. We need discomfort to appreciate when it’s gone. But mundane inconvenience beats existential fear any day.
Epicurus believed we need three things to make us happy; friendship, freedom and reflection. As defined by experts, our friendships are on activity, convenience/location based with the third being the rare soul-mate (soul sister/brother) friendship. All have their place in our sense of well-being.
I’ve finally become convinced that the number of friends we have is pre-determined by destiny. I’ve worried and suffered over the issue of having enough friends my whole life only to at last realize that I make the same number of friends whether I’m trying or not trying. How it falls out is my destiny.
As fish in a small pond, I venture that you’d likely have a more diverse pool of friends in Mexico. As wildly diverse as they are in life experiences, what ties us together is a shared sense of adventure, and frankly, you need to be a pretty independent thinker to move to another country. My friends at home however are all about my age and profile. Fight it though I have tried, it’s just how friendships sift out. I’ve personally found less ageism from Mexicans.
It would be a rare expat who’d say they didn’t feel more free in Mexico. People still compare it to the US in the 50’s as far as personal freedom goes. Which brings us to Epicurus’ final requirement, time to reflect. When you strip out being constantly sold to, and chasing your tail trying to fit into your given stereotype, you have more time to contemplate your journey, to process your unique history.
Every life is a poem. Some poems are tragic. Some are quiet in their service. Some are epic. Each reflects a hero’s journey. Mexico is a place where you can finally compose that poem from its discordant stanzas. Nothing’s more valuable than that.
About the author:
I'm Kerry Baker, writer of this blog and several books, the first being If Only I Had a Place about renting luxuriously in Mexico, geared toward the aspiring expat. Renting longer-term in Mexico is different. Avoid the pitfalls and rip-offs and establish your new expat life in style! See reviews here.
My second book is The Mexico Solution: Saving your money, sanity, and quality of life through part-time life in Mexico. This how to book will entertain you even as it provides a step by step action plan for your life in Mexico. Lastly, I published The Lazy Expat: Healthy Recipes That Translate in Mexico. In Mexico you must cook to maintain a healthy diet. Over 150 recipes and steps on preparing meals in a foreign culture.